Sunday, 14 March 2010

Banana Split

Brad, Bro, Bru!

Brad: Lumayo ka saken, baliw!
Bro: You are both human, in My eyes you're equal.
Bru: Keep distance, Baliwag Bulacan!

Brad: Nasunog ang tiket q sa loto.
Bro: Gamblers burn to hell.
Bru: Smoky Manaloto, waley na panalo.

Brad: Wala akong naisagot sa exam.
Bro: Review your lessons before examination.
Bru: Jakelu Blanco ang tez ko, equals singko ang grado.

Brad: Ang paburito kong kulay ay dilaw.
Bro: Go to heaven, every thing is golden.
Bru: Mango... mango, ripe na ba you?

Brad: Wag mong pilitin... masakit!
Bro: Do it right and you will feel delight.
Bru: Bet ko magsing... Aw! Like a virgin!

Saturday, 6 March 2010

The Frog Prince

The Frog Froze!

Once upon a time there was a girl named Cinderella. She lived with her stepmother and stepsisters. Cinderella owned a pet, Chinese frog. She named it Chu Xerang, therefore, her pet is Chu Xerang Frog.

It was then cold summer night when Cinderella heard a thundering knocks on the door. She was puzzled of who would knock so hard on her termited (half consumed by termites) door in the middle of the night to disturb her from busily fingering (way she ate finger foods). She hurriedly headed through the door worrying that that must be her wicked stepmother. As she opened the door, Cinderella looked over and side-by-side to find out who was there. Cinderella got intensely surprised when it appeared in her face, the very gigantic... acacia tree which was faithfully standing on her hut's backyard. She hysterically screamed on the top of her lungs and accidentally pulled the switch of her diamond-studded chandelier. It brought her to light that she actually headed to her window and not on her door. While humiliated with herself, she went to get the door. Again, Cinderella looked over and side-by-side to find out who was there. No one was around. She assumed that it must scared away when she screamed and left. She speculated a bit by calling the knocker just in case it was still around, "Oh my darling knock three times on the ceiling if you want me... Oooh, twice on the pipe, if you ain't gonna show ohh!". Then she waited for an hour but no one came to show up. Then a branch of acacia tree broke in two and both fell on the pipe which she perceived as knocked twice on it. She then went to sleep after receiving the message. Cinderella looked all around except down. It made her failed to see the Chinese frog by her feet. (You might wonder how a frog could knock that hard, me either couldn't find that out!)

In the morning, Cinderella got up early to fetch water in the deep well. Before dropping the pail in the well, Cinderella played her favorite toy, a golden ball. She sat by the well and tossed the ball in the air. She enjoyed doing it a lot that she made it a daily routine before fetching water. She tossed it higher this time and followed it with her eyes when a colorful parrot flew over her head and discharged an atomic bomb. The most stinging stinky bird shit she had ever seen that close exploded right exactly on the very center of her face. The golden ball fell and hit her forehead then bounced into the deep well.

She couldn't barely see and as much as Cinderella would like to wash her face, she just wasn't able to do so for she had not fetched even a single drop of water yet. The fat Chinese frog was so happened to be in the place, watching over her and saw all that happened. The frog panicked and didn't know how he could help. He hopped and hopped closer to Cinderella and was very worried that the lady must poisoned with the bird shit. He jumped on the edge of the well to get close by Cinderella's face. The frog took a very deep breath and hold it in that he ballooned its stout tummy. With an extreme force, the frog used the air he took in to push out an sprinkling fountain of... pee, he directed toward Cinderella's face to wash away the stain on her eyes and face. It became a big help to the lady and she got mesmerized after wards.

Cinderella looked over and side-by-side to find who helped her. Again, no one was there. She was about to think that her fairy godmother did it when she heard "Kokak... Kokak!" somewhere down her. She finally saw the frog and the rest is history. They became friends and stayed together in the ladies house happily over the next ten years.

One day, Cinderella missed her favorite golden ball toy when the rounded fat tummy of Chu Xerang frog reminded her of it. It sadden her day-by-day and keep thinking of how could she get it from inside the very dark, cold and deep well. Then she saw her friend frog afloat in the pail of water. She thought that when she drop her friend in the well, it could dive into the water and find her ball. She looked at her friend with a secretly bad intention. The frog seemed to read her mind so he jump and jump away the insane lady. Cinderella tried to catch him and they keep chasing each other the whole day, the whole night, the whole dawn, and till the next day.

The frog declined to go into the well for he's afraid he couldn't get back on the surface. Cinderella began to get crazy and was desperate to bring her golden ball back to her.

Cinderella had a plan to let her friend agree with a confrontation. Cinderella promised to finally give the frog his ever wished for warm kiss from her if he could get back from the well with her golden ball. Of no further discussions, Chu Xerang frog immediately agreed before Cinderella change her mind, with a wise condition that she'll drop her the pail when he cried "kokak!" three times. The deal was closed with fairness on both parties.

In the next morning, just when the winter season is on its peak, Cinderella carried Chu Xerang into the well. After a short meditation, the frog was then ready to dive. Cinderella dropped him with no hesitation at once. A splash sound confirmed that Chu hit the water. It was very cold underneath but Chu struggled to dive under to find the ball. He found it icy under the water and never wasted time to get it. He hurriedly swallowed the ball and swam hard upward. He finally brought the ball on the water surface successfully. He was then about to call Cinderella to drop the pail down but the but the golden ball blocked his vocal cord. He couldn't make even the softest hiss to call Cinderella for the pail to lift him up. Since the deal was clear that Cinderella should drop the roped pail after the three "kokaks", the lady kept the lifter waiting on the surface. Hours passed by and the frog wasn't heard. The lady became firm to their agreement and afforded not to pay a bit of worry for her friend for she was longing so much for her toy. Another couple of hours passed but not a "kokak!" was heard. Cinderella waited till the morning, the whole day, the next day, the next couple of days and day-by-day that passed but Chu Xerang frog never called for a pail.

Away from Cinderella's thought, Chu Xerang was freeze to death inside the well. Chu Xerang was choked by the golden ball that he couldn't breath evenly and cried for help till the freezing winter season hardened him into ice and left unlifted down the bottom of the dark, cold and deep well.

(Questions arouse:
1. Did Cinderella never ever fetch water since she dropped froggie into the well?
2. Is this a sad ending fairy tale?
3. What happened to Cinderella then?)

The end...